It was only a day after I’ve gotten back from Jakarta when I heard
my phone buzzed while I was half asleep. It was an e-mail inviting me for an
interview but I was so exhausted that I couldn’t be bothered to even read it
thoroughly.
When I was finally awake, I reopened the email of which I thought
was a dream, and it didn’t even take long for the anxiety attack to come in. I
was both happy and worried, then eventually burst into tears due to the
overwhelming emotions.
I didn’t know with whom I should share the news with, I was also
worried if I shared the news too soon, what would it be like if I didn’t make
it through? It was really hard to keep a poker face and lying to my parents
whenever they asked if I’ve heard anything back since my test.
**My mom is the type of
person who shares everything with everyone, and if I did tell her about my
Interview, it’d probably reach the whole kampong within 48 hours**
Weeks went by and came the D-Day. I made up an appointment to get
excused from work. It’s crazy when you have to deal with anxiety and making
sure you’ve done ample research and really try to mean the answers you’ve prepared. They
asked questions that I knew the answers to, but somehow I was so drained out
from work that I spaced out so easily halfway through their questions, and
because I felt so blur, I was repeating the same thing over and over again. At
the end of the session, I convinced myself enough that I did what I could do
and just be tawakkal.
**The final two months at
MSG were some of my lowest point. There was a drastic rearrangement in the
office, a sudden increase of bad vibes, and workloads that never seemed to end. I
was also working 7 days straight for two consecutive weeks, which had caused me to feel extremely lethargic and out of focus. I was slightly frustrated with the
management, and was so desperate to get out of the company**
I kept replaying the last thing they said to me, “If you’re successful, you’ll receive an
offer letter from us, but otherwise, we will send you an e-mail to notify that
you’ve been rejected.” So I told myself, the worst-case scenario would be
e-mail, and I was constantly checking my inbox throughout the month.
10 days before the end of October, I was launching an event for the
company, and while I was busy setting up for the event, my phone rang. It was a
call from UTB asking me to collect my offer letter, and boy was I happy to just
learn that I was finally leaving MSG.
It was such a blessed day to receive such exciting news on my
Islamic birthday too.
**The evening before that
day, I almost cried at the dinner table because I was so exhausted from work
but wanted so badly to spend time with my family. Additionally, my mom still
insisted I should be more proactive at looking for a more stable job, as if I
wasn’t working hard enough already**
I took a photo of my offer letter and presented it as a gift to my
parents. Surely, 48 hours later, everyone else in the family knew about it.
Even at that stage, I didn’t even tell anyone until I finally submitted my
resignation letter.
It was beyond my expectation that I would be working under the VC as her
first AR. The first two weeks were filled with events, and meetings and writing
minute after minute. It’s about warming up and adapting to a new place so
rapidly that I really didn’t have the time to not know anything. And today,
somehow it only makes sense that despite how incredibly difficult it was
working in UBD before; I was made prepared for what I am doing right now. Even
when asked how I’m coping so far, I could only just say “it really is nothing
new to me, but there is still much to learn.” I do see potential career
advancement from here and everything that has happened this year really made me
believe that Allah’s help is always near.
I believe if you never really stopped looking, trying, putting
efforts and praying, good things will eventually happen. Surely, there will bad
days and bad news however you’d become tougher if you made it through the
storm. Also there’ll be rainbows.
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