Wrong Person, Right Feeling

(Illustration By: Miho Okuzawa)

I'm sure you've heard the phrase "Right Person, Wrong Timing" but what if it's the wrong person but the right feeling? 

Perhaps it's not always true that you'll get that "Yup, that's the one" feeling straight away but when you know, you just can't get your mind off it. But what happens if the feelings are not mutual? 

I guess, this is what I've been going through lately. It's being completely aware that I've started to develop feelings for someone but I am also very certain that he doesn't feel the same way. It is obvious from the way he has been ignoring me because I do the same thing when I knew a guy liked me but I didn't want anything romantic with him. Except . . . I just completely avoid talking about feelings or emotions and stay friends instead of completely ghosting them. 

Ghosting sucks. I hate it, but maybe that's just because I like answers. 

I've missed him quite a lot lately and that's all I want to keep telling him but I'm constantly re-evaluating my feelings until I am confused enough to say that "Maybe, I'm just lonely." 

At this age, I guess I could be one of two people - Date anyone until I find the one or Date seriously. I am a lot more on the latter, but I am not looking for someone who'd jump straight into marriage because I'm obviously not going to repeat history. You can say I don't just open my door to anyone. Somehow two years in, I finally fell for someone I haven't seen in months and he'd probably only watch my IG Stories accidentally. I guess men are more complex these days and I really can't get my way around it but I can't be bothered to. LOL - I'm going to be lonely for a long time and I'll need to learn to really get used to it. 

Anyway, I hope I'm not the only one going through such situation. When all things fit but there is always that missing piece. It puts you in an uncomfortable place as well. Just knowing that the person makes a good friend, and you'd really hate to ruin the friendship but you also kind of want more than just friendship. You are constantly thinking about it, thinking about how it makes you feel, how that person makes you feel as whole. Just the mere fact that he can make you feel calm and accepted, then supported you for just the way you are, make you feel so certain that with him, it was just right. Yet above all these wonderful feelings is the agony. The loneliness and sleepless nights of just not knowing for sure. It's hauntingly annoying and a waste of energy but your mind kept asking "ya, but what if? what if?"

Conclusion: I'll keep dating myself.