A Job is not a Career

MARKETING. 

How did I end up in Marketing, when all I've said in the interview was "I see that venturing into Marketing as a good field and opportunity to help me progress towards achieving my goals?" And then there I was, running the Marketing department all by myself. 

When I first started this job, I was slightly out of shape from the (almost) 4 months of unemployment, and the first week went by in a complete blur and overwhelming exhaustion. It was Ramadhan, and we worked from 8:30am until 4pm with no breaks in between. Not to mention, the workload got heavier and heavier each day. I was completely wrapped up by anxiety and stress. 

I had moments of uncertainty where I kept asking myself if this was something I could do or screw that, I really didn't have any other options. With the current economy and lack of job opportunities that actually suit my skills and experiences, I really didn't have a choice. I needed the money and I needed to get my ass out of bed every morning. I prayed for a job, and I got a job. So I kept going irregardless.

It's hard to adjust to a work life that is a complete opposite of your previous one, where management is more strict, hours are longer, lunch is shorter and pay is lower. Everything is a mismatch and you just gotta adapt to it. At the end of my first month, I was called for a one-on-one review with the management team, and I was asked to rate the company that I've only been at for less than 30 days? I'm not one to judge based on what I can observe in a such a short period of time, so I skipped the question and I have never been more right with my decision to do so. 

I am coming to the end of my probation and I've been trying to reflect on how I feel for the company, the people that I've been working with and especially the tasks that I've been doing so far. I couldn't think of much except, I feel that my life has been so confined due to the amount of time I spend in the office that I am so unaware of what's going on out there. It's so unhealthy that I kept thinking why this job has been given to me. 

On the other hand, my previous job taught me a lot about keeping my personal life private and not really getting attached to anyone and so that's what I was doing for the first month, at least. Then a new girl came, and was assigned to sit next to my desk. As always, I opened up pretty slow to people but she was able to get my attention by mentioning someone from my past. It took us less than 2 weeks to bond and get to a point where she is now my daily dose of laughters, and everybody knows I don't laugh very much. She makes the environment a lot more bearable and I sort of find work not as bad as it used to be. 

"I love people who makes me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like the most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person," Audrey Hepburn

I never thought about this. 

I never thought I could make friends at work, and be able to share stuff with them and still feel safe. Although I don't see myself staying with the company for a really long time, I do honestly think it is better than to stay at home doing nothing. I figured that this must be it. The reason. Perhaps it's part of growth and there is no doubt that God knows what's best for me. 

It all reminds me Uni. How I met Farah, Mas and Nisa and how without them, I wouldn't have survived and made it through. They are the people who had helped me realise a lot of things about myself, and taught me lessons after lessons about life. And now I am meeting new people to open up my mind, and kick off the sadness that I've accumulated for 5 months.

But that doesn't answer everything. 

Am I happy with work? Have I done enough? Have I even thought about what my KPIs should be? How much of marketing have I learned? Is Marketing even for me? and the list goes on and on. 

One thing for sure though, my heart is not set to stay.