Sleep Paralysis

Sleep paralysis:

"is a condition in which someone, most often lying in a supine position, about to drop off to sleep, or just upon waking from sleep realises that s/he is unable to move, or speak, or cry out. This may last a few seconds or several moments, occasionally longer. People frequently report feeling a 'presence' that is often described as malevolent, threatening, or evil. An intense sense of dread and terror is very common," (Cheyne J, Uni. of Waterloo, Canada).

First, I am not here to elaborate on the scientific reasoning of this particular occurrence in our lives, rather I am here to share some of my experiences with sleep paralysis. Second, I have, in the past, tried to understand what's the significance or relation of sleep paralysis and jinn/evil spirit in Islamic context but I am in no position to make assumptions or explain what it is and isn't. 

In Brunei, we called this phenomenon as "kena himpit masa tidur," basically feeling like something was sitting on you, or there was a certain amount of pressure on your body that disable you from moving. 

I don't exactly remember the first time I had it, but I have several ones that were so distinct that I've told the stories many times which made it harder to forget: 

STORY 1: MOVING IN TO OUR NEW HOUSE (2002) 

A couple of years after my grandma's passing, my mother was fortunate to inherit the land where my grandparents built their first house together. I grew up in this house, so did 4 other families. Because my parents were teachers, we moved around a lot that I practically spent my first few years in another district, and sharing room with my 3 brothers. Some time in the year 2000, my parents decided to demolish the old house to build our now current house. Guess what? I got to call dibs to have the bedroom next to the staircase, and with a much bigger bathroom. I got myself a bathtub too. 

Our house then had 7 bedrooms each with a private bathroom, 2 living rooms, 1 dining room, a kitchen and a laundry room. My late grandpa lived with us too.

I loved my room. I loved being able to sleep by myself. I loved that I could be alone and be in my own world. I have a window that only has sight of mango trees and other trees. Trees you know what they say about banana trees, Banana trees in the dark. 

But this is not about trees. 

I like to face the wall when I sleep, so my bed has always been positioned to lean against the wall. By the foot of my bed was a small gap that separated my desk and the bed. When I sleep, I'd always let the light by the door on, and the rest of the room to remain dark and quiet. I'm a light-sleeper but always seem to be in a REM state, as I dream almost every night. 

^Unnecessary context but here it goes:

One night, when I was sleeping I thought I heard someone entered my room (Note: I always lock my door). That presence was enough to slightly wake me up from my sleep. I was sleeping sideways, facing the wall so I peeked over my shoulder and saw a black silhouette of a man I thought was my dad. I thought "Oh, Babah..." so I turned my head back to the wall and tried to go back to sleep. He was standing in between the gap under the foot of my bed, staring at me. I closed my eyes. 

I suddenly felt my bed sinking in, as if someone was crawling towards me. I felt his every movement, until his hands landed on my waist, shaking me from side to side. "Kaka, bangun bangun!" It was my little sister's voice in a body of a man, asking me to wake up. I was in shock. I wanted to be sure of what I heard, so I tried to turn around but to no avail. I couldn't move. My body was heavy, as if his arms had locked me from seeing him. I couldn't breathe. I tried to scream for help, I tried to recite some Surahs, I tried and tried but nothing. NOTHING. I was stuck. I was weeping only in my head.

It finally let me go and I didn't sleep the entire night. I didn't even sleep in my room days after that incident. 

The banana tree must be haunted. That's what they said.

STORY 2: SLEEPING IN A ROOM THAT'S IN THE CENTRE OF A HOUSE WITH WINDOW AND NO VIEW (2006)

When I was 16, my parents sent me back to Brunei so I could take tuition classes for my Malay O'level. Having missed at least 3 years of formal education on Bahasa Melayu, my dad thought his private tutoring in London was not sufficient if I wanted to pass the exam. For almost two months, I stayed over at my aunt's place, sleeping in my cousin's bedroom. 

My aunt's house is quite old, and by that time they've already extended to the back so my cousin's room ended being in the middle of the house. It's always night time in her room. Someone told me that it's not good to have no sun coming in to your room, but why does that matter? I'm not superstitious. 

One night, or one morning - I couldn't tell. I was lying on her bed, waiting for the time to pass. After two weeks staying with my aunt, I realised that I was almost always overfed so I learned to skip breakfast and woke up around mid-day.. Her room does have a window but it opens to nothing but an empty hallway that leads to a storage room and someone else's room that I've never been in. 

One night, or one morning - I couldn't tell. I was lying on her bed. Suddenly it sounded as if there were people knocking on the window and I would've assumed it could be the maid but I was too scared to check. I laid still on the bed until the knocking stopped. When I looked up, I saw a photo of my cousin's late fiance looking back at me. I tried to feel okay about this, but it made me feel worse. 

Another night, or another morning - I couldn't tell. Weirdly enough I was sleeping on my back, instead of sideways. I was awaken from a bad dream. I kept my eyes slightly shut, hoping that I could go back to sleep again. I started hearing soft noises. I laid still and I suddenly felt as if someone was touching my feet and slowly going up to my waist. I felt a tingly feeling around my legs. I knew there was nobody there except me. At that time, I could only imagine seeing ju-on underneath my blanket. When I decided to move, it had already paralysed my body. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, its happening again" I screamed inside my head. I couldn't see anyone, or anything being on top of me but it felt heavy. It felt like 3 kids were sitting on me, I couldn't breathe. Yet again, nothing came out of my mouth. I was only screaming in my mind. Tears started to flow down my cheeks. Whatever just happened was enough to get me out of bed and not entered the room unless my cousin was there.

STORY 3: BRUNEI HALL, LONDON (2009)

If you're a student studying in the UK, you would've already heard many things about Brunei Hall. That it used to be a hospital, there was a morgue, it's haunted, someone killed herself etc. I lived in Brunei Hall for 2 years. My room number was 211 and directly above my room was 311, known for having a strong 'paranormal' vibe to it. A story told was that a girl killed herself in that room and that one of my cousins was almost always haunted by a presence when she stayed in that room. 

So Brunei Hall is haunted, as many claimed it to be. 

I was lucky to stay in the same room for 2 years, and lucky that my roommate was not always there. Unlike the normal shared dorm, we didn't have a bunk-bed. We had two single beds, two desks, a tiny built-in closet and a wardrobe. Both of our beds leaned against the wall. It was relatively big I guess. 

When you entered our room, there's a short corridor that led to the main area of the room. When we sleep, we only kept the corridor lights on. 

I believe prior to the incident, someone had told me a story about the room above mine. There was a student named Shasha (I lied, that's not her name) who lived in room 311. She invited her friend Michelle (I lied, that's not her name too) over one afternoon. Little did she knows, Michelle has the ability to see what our eyes can't see, ghosts. Michelle excused herself to use the bathroom and came out with a smile on her face. Shasha asked what's wrong and Michelle said, "Did you know there's an old woman standing at the edge of your bathroom? She kept staring at me." 

****

I took Fine Arts when I was in London, and a week before it happened, we had a lesson on live-drawing and sketching with charcoals. I had a lot of decapitated figures on A3 sheets, it was almost Picasso-ish. I decided to put these drawings on my wall. I've heard it for years that it's not good to have posters on your wall but again, I'm not superstitious. 

My roommate didn't come back that night so I decided to lock the door, and chain-locked it too. I had a lucid dream that night, where a bunch of friends came over to my room while I was sleeping, noisy and all, and arguing about something petty. I told them to hush, and leave the room. In my dream, I went back to sleep. I was sleeping in my sleep. The lights were off and I was once again sleeping sideways, facing the wall. In reality, I was already in that position for hours. 

Suddenly I heard the door opened, and I could hear her taking off her shoes. She dragged her feet through the corridor, and it sounded heavy. In my mind, I thought it was my roommate. I took a quick glance over my shoulder and saw her standing by my bed. She walked a little more and then she stopped. 

All of a sudden, her arms landed on my body and I couldn't move. This was when I realised that I've chain-locked my door, and there was no way my roommate could enter the room. NO WAY. 

I was awake, paralysed and unable to say anything. My eyes were wide open, but half of my face was covered with my duvet that made it harder for me to breathe. My hand was trying to grab one of the smaller pillow I kept by my side, hoping I could hit her with it. I couldn't move, but my eyes could so I tried to look at it. 

I never forget what I saw. 

She was looking directly at my drawings. The decapitated bodies on my wall. Top half of her face resembled my friend, sharp eyes and eyebrows, while her bottom half was covered with a scarf but clear enough for me to see that she had a huge beak. She stayed there for a long time, staring at the drawings, paralysing me. I felt like my blood stopped streaming and I thought I was going to die from how cold she made my body feel. She was heavy, very heavy. I gathered all I could to grab the pillow, and when I did I convinced myself that I had the power to move. I closed my eyes and threw the pillow but she was already gone, freeing me from her weight. 

I got up, took down the drawings and couldn't look at my friend for days. When I told them about it, people stopped coming over to my room. 

***

There were a lot of stories about Brunei Hall but I wouldn't know how much of them were true. Here are some:

1. The warden stopped doing Azan Subuh because he had heard a kid running and laughing behind him in the surau. 

2. When the elevator didn't completely shut, someone claimed that there was something standing in between the door. This happened numerous times. 

3. The top floor of the female dorm often heard footsteps from the attic. One time, it was so loud and disturbing, it kept everyone up. They checked and there was nothing. 

4. Nobody realised this but there's roller shutter in the hallway of the female dorm. I came out of my room and saw it coming down, blocking me from walking towards the elevator. There was a very weird vibe about it. 

5. The laundry room is haunted.

6. The whole place is haunted so good luck. 

So I guess, three stories are enough for now. I haven't had sleep paralysis in a while, although I think I might've did last year but I realised everything is really mind over matter. I'm not scared of it anymore and I don't think it's because a place is haunted or so. It's a mystery why it's so often associated with spirits...