Cryptomnesia

Cryptomnesia:
"occurs when a forgotten memory returns without it being recognised as such by the subject, who believes it is something new and original."
Last week, I received a couple of comments from whoever you are about my paintings. In the beginning, it was hard to swallow because naturally, you became quite defensive to receiving feedback and criticism from people, especially strangers. It was such a detailed observation that I actually freaked out. 
I have studied arts and understood well enough the process of creating your own piece. I'm also aware what it means to plagiarise. I didn't paint for many years until 3 years ago, where I've started my starry night series. I do admit that I made a mistake of not stating the source of inspirations for the paintings, but at that time it just didn't occur to me. 
The videos that I saw was a teaching video and I know it's much too late to give credits now, but here they are: 

Admittedly, I used these videos for the first two paintings that I did. However, I did not paint the same time I was watching them. I had to go buy materials and let a few days went by and tried to paint from memory. That's how I completely and unintentionally disregard the idea that I was copying someone else's work. In my head, I was simply applying the skills that I had learned from the videos and tried to create something from there. 

From then on, I just started to experiment different styles, different methods and so on. Some of my later paintings might seem similar to the first few paintings, but I didn't realise how one of them has high similarity to Ann Le's painting. I totally get your point. I guess I had periods of cryptomnesia. The video by Jamie Windsor explains it all. 

It took me by surprise when I received the question and comments because the person was referring to the paintings I did 3 years ago. Although I honestly think, pinpointing my reply in the comment section was quite damaging for my own sake. I understand you meant well, and it was a moment of learning for me so thank you. And I do admit that I have made a shameful mistake for not being honest with my work and I will be more cautious from now on. 

I had also spent the last few days just contemplating whether my work are "my" work, following this reality check. Somehow I'm also scared to paint and post it online because how will I ever figure out that it's an original piece, to begin with. I have already planned to clear out my painting area and take a long break from painting as well. 

So please accept my public apology for my lack of awareness and for not crediting sources appropriately. 

Thank you.