My Little Wonder

Perhaps love is too strong of an emotion to use right now.

This is something I never thought I'd be writing about over and over again. It's almost too boring but my heart has been aching so, that I really need to write it down somewhere. 

I've been thinking about you lately, thinking about everything that never really went away. Some sort of feeling, a yearning for just a proper closure with you. I know I've been kinda pushy about it, I know I've been writing a ridiculous amount of emails that had been left ignored. I secretly hoped you'd come to your senses to at least say something back, even briefly. I understand that I've made some mistakes in the past, but I'm not that person anymore and I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry. I really am. 

I don't think you can be that cruel because I've seen kindness in you, and I know you're capable of compassion. 

I didn't choose to suffer for this long and I've tried all I could to stay as far away from you but I can't lie about the amount of pain I've to endure just to bury whatever this is. It hurts so much not to know. It hurts so much to be ignored this way. It hurts so so much just to lie and keep everything to myself. 

You were half of the poems I've written about. You were an entire book with no clear ending. 

I could shut my eyes a million times but still wake up to a memory of you. I could still let my heart beat a little louder just by whispering your name in my mind. I've been imprisoned, pleaded guilty with no jurisdiction. I'm stuck, and I want a way out.

Please? 

It has been over 3 years now, I think you've had enough time to hate and loathe me. Just please, this really hurts and I don't want it anymore.